U C Bonz, I C an Army

Honesty is always the best policy?

2005-11-11T10:46:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a tough time in your life? One of those times where it seems that God is intentionally just screwing up your life just to watch you squirm? I had one of these times a week ago. I was ready to chuck it all in. I was done letting God show me cool things for my life and taking me places I had never been. It was a pattern in my life that things would go great for a while and then it seemed God would jerk the carpet out from my feet just to see me fall. I knew I could feel him laughing at me.

For about a month God had dealt with me on trust issues. I thought it was trust with other people. I felt this kind of strange that He would bring this up at this time. I was involved in a group of people my age that were really involved in the ministry. We all had a common vision from God on what we were to do and it was happening. I have never had many friends. When I was in eighth grade I had an awesome group of friends and due to a church split they were all ripped away from me. To this day 14 years later I don't get to talk to or see these people. If I do see them and we talk it is severely strained. That was a deep wounding in my life. It was a time when I stood up for what I believed was right and backed a man who then betrayed me a couple years later. My though was all the pain for what. Just so he could hurt me too. From that time on I just would not trust people. If a friendship was going well I would run. I never wanted to get too close. I knew that it would end badly and I couldn't face that pain again. But why would God be dealing with trust now? I have a group of friends that I have shared my pain and joy with. I fought through the wanting to run. I had a best friend and we spent a lot of time together. I could be myself around him. I didn't have to hide or pretend to be super spiritual or anything. We would travel all over checking out what God was doing in churches. It was he and I and then other people started hanging around us and before we knew it there were about nine of us that were very close and we started a ministry. There were only three guys in the group. John, Brandon, and myself. We decided to find a house and move in together. Life was great. For those who have read Blue Like Jazz, I could see us having our very own Graceland. Then the faithful day. Brandon and I joked about finding girlfriends and how great that would be, but in the back of my mind I was happy. Happier in that moment than ever before. Satisfied and content. For once I didn't think about getting married. I realized that I didn't have to wait to get married to start my life. Then Brandon called and told me he was going to start seeing a girl. I was so mad at God. I knew He was at it again. I had let myself become vulnerable to a group of people and He was going to use that group to wound me again. Take all of it away and sit on his throne and laugh as I squirmed. I spent two days cussing God. I told him that I was tried of Him screwing up my life and tired of Him giving me a taste of Good things and then taking them away. My first instinct was to RUN! Leave. Move away, start a new job, and don't leave a forwarding address. Just take off before the pain was too bad. If you have never been completely honest with God about how you were feeling then I strongly encourage you to do it. He will not strike you with lightning or punish you. It is much the opposite. He can use your honesty to heal the wounds in your life that are making you feel the way you are feeling. As I cussed Him and told Him I was done and I was leaving and I would never serve Him again it was completely silent. I knew it was because He didn't care. But then the silence broke and I heard Him say TRUST. This started a conversation that was like if you and I were at a coffee shop talking. God spoke to me that it wasn't trust with people He was concerned with but my lack of trust with Him. He took me back to the words I spoke in my pain and anger and showed me that deep down this was how I felt and it had been shaping my life and effecting the decision's I made. I am so glad I had the courage to be honest with God. He has begun to tear down this stronghold in my life and it still hurts occasionally, but I am glad that this is being dealt with. God truly loves us and is concerned with how we are feeling, but more than that he is concerned with our heart! He doesn't want anything to get in the way of the awesome things He has for our lives.
Oh, by the way Brandon is doing fine and we still hang out. It is just disgusting to hear him talk about his new found love though. I some times have to take pepto just to get through the time with him. Just kidding. His girlfriend is awesome and shares the same vision for ministry as he does. I am very happy for him and her. I know God will bless them and many lives will be impacted because of their obedience to him.
Remember Honesty is always the best policy. God is big enough to hear that you are mad at Him. It won't hurt His feelings!

Come Away With Me

2005-11-02T23:12:00.000-06:00

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song
Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies
I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee high
So won't you try to come
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While your safe there in my arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

I think if we would listen closely to the cry in our hearts we would see that Nora Jones has captured the love song that our Creator sings over us. I really love this song. I can see God in it so clearly. Beckoning us to just get away from our busy lives and spend time with Him. Letting Him love us. Many times we get caught up in very worth while tasks, but always remember that good is always the worst enemy of the best! So today while you are on the bus, or walking, or whatever you are doing stop and indulge God and take some time to crawl up in His lap and let Him write you a song. Kiss you, and hold you in His arms. This is the entire reason your were created! Rediscover your passion for Him today!

Where to begin?

2005-10-12T23:12:00.000-05:00

What a crazy month! On August 12th I was in an auto accident that should have taken my life. I was on a four lane state highway. I don't remember many of the details but my niece was with me and according to her we had a blow out. All I remember is being in the median and thinking to myself that I could not let the car cross over into oncoming traffic. I tapped the brake and put the 2002 Explorer back on my side of the highway. I then remember feeling the Explorer start to roll. The car that was directly behind us stopped counting when I had rolled eight times. I came to as the Explorer was skidding down the road on it's driver side and then flipped up on it's wheels and stepped. When it started I was heading north and when it stopped I was facing west. The distance we rolled was 500 feet according to the highway patrol.
When the vehicle stopped I looked in the back seat to check my nephew (7 years old). He was fine. He was in shock and couldn't talk but he was not bleeding. I helped him out of his seat and then focused my attention to my niece (9 years old). She was in the passenger seat beside me and I saw that she was ok too. No blood. I helped her out of her seat belt. All at once both the kids looked at me and at the same time I noticed that my ear was laying on my cheek. I quickly covered it up and told them not to look at me to look out the passenger side of the car. I assured them I was fine it just looked bad. A man got out of the car behind us and came and got the kids out of the passenger side. I tried to force open my door and when I did there was an overwhelming pain that shot from the my head to my toes. I decided that staying there was probably the best idea. I reached down and grabbed my cell phone from my cup holder. It is the only thing in the car that was in the same place before and after the wreck! I called my brother and told him I had just been in an accident and where I was. I assured him that the kids were fine but told him I was unsure about my self. After I hung up with him a nurse appeared and climbed in the back seat behind me. She held my neck and my ear on for me. She was so comforting and reassuring. The man who was first on the scene came back to me after helping the kids and held my hand and began to pray for me. I ask God to bless him every day! It took the firemen almost 45 minutes to cut me out of the Explorer. While they were cutting me out a helicopter landed. I ask what was wrong with the kids that they needed a helicopter. They had to explain that it was for me. I was so scared about what they were not telling me. I knew my ear was mostly cut off if not entirely cut off and my color bone was hurting, and I had road rash on my elbow. Why did I need a helicopter. They said it was for precaution due to the severity of the accident. As the fire men were getting me out of the car on to the back board I could hear them say that my color bone was broken.
The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever! When we finely got there I heard the flight nurse going over my injuries with the trauma team. Ear laceration, laceration on the elbow, possible broken color bone, and possible skull fracture. I remember thinking what, I didn't hit my head, it doesn't even hurt. The trauma team was x raying, utlrasounding, and poking every inch of my body.
My best friend Brandon and my brother came to the ER and Brandon laid hands on my and began to ask God to restore my body and heal any broken bones. Thank God my color bone quit hurting.
I remember people coming back to the ER to see me and how good that made me feel. We go through our lives every day thinking we are insignificant. If we were gone no one would miss us. It was awesome to hear about the people in the waiting room wanting to see me. People I had prayed for three years. People I was friends with and ask God daily to use me to show them Himself. My life does matter and so does yours!
The x rays came back ok not a broken bone in my body. My ear was still attached by a small portion of the lobe, The doctor who sowed it back on said it looked like a surgeon had cut it. People from all over the hospital came to see me head. It had gone out my window and drug across the pavement and was peeled down to the skull. They were unable to find any one who would attempted to close it that night. I was in ICU Monday night, Tuesday night, and Wednesday. On Thursday they closed the wound in my head and Friday I was able to get out in time to preach at Revolution 375.
Let me tell you all the cool things God did in my life during this time.
The car that was right behind me...I remember passing it just before the accident. The two men in it were on their way home from work. One of them was a pastor. As I passed I remember making eye contact with the passenger (the pastor). He ask the driver if he knew who I was. The driver had not paid any attention to me. The pastor said "We need to pray for him. Something is going on." It was just after they began to pray that I was rolling down the highway! I also found out that at the end of August, one of my friends parents felt that God was calling them to pray at the exact intersection where I wrecked. God told them to rebuke the spirit of death. Tuesday my sister called some friends in Oklahoma and ask them to pray. That night as one of the ladies prayed, God gave her a word for me. She told God that she could not get to me. But, to please send someone I didn't know with the same message so I could not discount the word. I woke up on Thursday feeling very depressed and lonely. I knew this was silly. There had been tons of people to see me. I dozed off again and when I awoke there was a man sitting by my bed with his hand on the bed and his head down. It scared me. He said that the doctor who was going to close my head has sent him.. I said, oh you will want to see my head. He said no, the doctor will take care of that. He told me he was just there to tell me that every thing was going to be fine. I dozed off again and when I woke up there was a man again sitting in the chair beside my bed. He introduced himself as the father of a girl I work with. He told me he had been praying for me all night and he wanted to hear my story. I felt God stir in my spirit and say tell him all your story. I started with the wreck and then went in to how I know that God has a plan for my life and how a group of us are beginning a ministry that will follow Christ example and not remind people of their sin but of the hope and healing that Christ brings! I felt strange telling an older gentleman that I felt like the Church had failed my generation. What was more strange was when he agreed! He told me that God had given him a message for me as he prayed the night before. He said "God told me that you will effect generations. The devil understands the severity of your calling on his kingdom. The devil wanted to take you out. But, God wants you to know that He loves you so much that He strategically surrounded you with people who would pray for you so that this attack would be to no avail." He then told me that God wanted him to anoint me with oil and pray for me. I could do nothing but weep. Later that day I ask the nurse who the doctor was that had been in to see me that morning. They said there hadn't been a doctor to see me. I told them he said that he was with Dr. Silverburg and described him. They told me that there was no one like that who worked with Dr Silverburg. I know now that God had sent an angel at a dark time to encourage me. I am in total amazement at how God took care of me in this situation, and that makes me sad. He promises us that He loves us and that he will take care of us. But, we do not believe Him. His words are true and good, but we can not trust.
I always though if something like this happened to me that I would go on living my life just as I had. I get frustrated with people who can only be close to God in the midst of a crisis. However, that day has so dramatically changed my life that I know now that will never be able to go on about my life as it never happened. My wounds healed very nicely and very quickly.

I will leave you with some scripture that means much more to me now...
Jeremiah 29:11 I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (The Message)

Psalms 139
God, investigate my live; get all the facts first hand. I am an open book to you; even from a distance you know what I am thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I am never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there too- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful-I can't take it all in!

JOIN THE REVOLUTION!

2005-08-20T09:16:00.000-05:00

We have a service in our community for young adults (18-30), the name is Revolution 375. We have already talked about the 375, Ezekiel 37:5. Today I want to talk about the Revolution. When I even speak that work my heart beats faster and adrenaline flows through my body.

What is revolution? In the dictionary I found three definitions and I think all three fit very well. One is a sudden or momentous change in a situation. I think this is perfect definition for the beginning of a revolution in our lives. We need that sudden momentous change when we realize that there is a creator who wants to have a personal relationship with us, that he pursues us. That his love is relentless. We need that sudden or momentous change when we realize that the only thing that separates us is the sin that is born into all humanity. When we realize that He loved us so much that He offers us His riotousness through the sacrifice of His son.

The second is an orbital motion about a point. This is a great second step to a revolution in your live. When we can realize that we have purpose in our life. When we realize that the other six billion people on this planet were not put here to make our lives better, more convenient, and less hectic. When we begin to let our lives orbit around the Son (Jesus) and we commit the the destiny that He has for us. Many times we think that God only has a call on the lives of missionaries, preachers and people like that who have a platform. However, if we let our life orbit around Jesus, we can begin to see that he has a purpose for all of us. We all come in contact with hurting and hopeless people every day that we can impact. We have to lay down our selfish ambitions and our pride. We have to life a truly selfless life. Happiness is a paradox. Those who chase after it and work to find their happiness will never find it. They will only end up empty and frustrated. True happiness will only come when we give up on our happiness and begin to look around us for ways we can make those around us happy. This is a calling on all of our lives.

The third definition is the overthrow of one government and it's replacement with another. This is the last step where the revolution in your life will impact the world. If you want to change the world around you then you must first change yourself. I am ready to see the religious government overthrown. The judgment and the shame they pass on people makes me sick. The rules and regulations that they put in place that were never established by God. They give the impression that you must earn your salvation. How do I get this government overthrown? I must stop thinking like they think, acting like they act. I must change my heart and begin to show the love that Jesus showed while he was here.

Can you join the revolution? Are you willing to pay the price of a selfless life? These are hard questions that I must ask my self daily. The great thing is that when I can answer yes, I truly find that I am happier and my life has purpose. If that selfishness creeps back in, I find that I am miserable and never content. My life lacks purpose and I want to give up. I must choose to let my life orbit around Jesus and seek His plan for my life every day. This will bring about the revolution in my life and quite possibly change the world.

U C Bonz

2005-08-09T13:04:00.000-05:00

Funny name for a blog. I know. What does it mean? Well I am convinced that we are in a very similar time now as Ezekiel found himself in. I feel that the gen x'ers and the gen y'ers are a generation of people longing for a cause, searching for truth, and struggling to make their place in history. We are misunderstood, lied to, and misdirected by the generations before us. We know deep inside that there is an absolute truth. However, the generation before us wants us to believe that there is no absolute truth.

Just as God took Ezekiel to the valley of Bones and ask him if they could live again, I hear the voice of God asking me if my generation, a generation that has been left for dead, could ever live again. To this I respond an overwhelming YES!! We can live again and we will live again. God has started a revival of people my age who are forming an army that marches and fights on their knees. Praying as if it all depends on God and living as if it all depended on them. God as began to breath a breath of live in to people my age and we will truly live.